at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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