Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
well you can't waste a boner
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
