I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
