I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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