I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
