bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
