so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
