tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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