Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
