i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
