I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
