i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
