Having a random hookup so left but love u
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
