I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
