I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
