Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
