I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
