my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
