Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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