I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
