I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
