so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
