So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
