Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I love you.
Bad choice
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