I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
How does one acquire holy water?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
