The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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