What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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