11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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