I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
