I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
