If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize