I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
