zippers are such a cool invention
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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