Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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