JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
