my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
