i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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