Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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