FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
