All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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