ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
