oh god the rape fog is back!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
