a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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