My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
