@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
birth control should be required to get into college
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
