Soap is not a condiment
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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