We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Are we still banned from the library?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
