i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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