The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
