Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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