Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
