yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
