we have pet lesbian snakes
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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