Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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