you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
