Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
