Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
