it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize