So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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