that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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