i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Randomize