Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
