This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize