Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
