Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
